MyFursona.com

Anthrocon 2008

Wow. What an experience. Leaving Tuesday and coming back the next. Seven days away from home. What a much needed trip. I got to stretch my legs, be myself, and not worry about what others think of me, because I felt like I belonged with this group of people, that they understand me. Not to say that all people were like that, but I will say that furries are the most accepting of people, even more so than the Mormons. Or so I say. But it's kind of sad seeing life go back from exciting and free to being normal boring and mundane.

But some highlights of AC 2008 was meeting new people, interesting people, getting out of the house, experiencing new things, getting to see furry society, learning more about what I want to do with my life, getting my fursona drawn, and overall having an enjoyable time. I learned more about myself, learned what I want to be, what I want to have, what I want to do. All these thoughts passing through my head and thinking of these things without ever even worrying about what was going on at home. That was the one thing I promised myself while I was away, is that I should try and enjoy myself as much as I can without limiting myself. And I think I did it pretty sucessfully. I will admit that at times I was on the verge of breaking down, I was scared and afraid of what would happen next, and I was unsure of what was to come. But overall I faced my fears and enjoyed it. It was a very good thing that I stood up to these fears. For the longest time in my life, I've been controlled by fear, when I was young, I was afraid of the dark, afraid to leave home, afraid to be away from my family. I could barely sleep at night if I was alone or if there was no light. Blinded by fear, but now I've begun to accept things as they happen, things will come in and out of life, things will happen, and it's when we don't limit ourself that we get to experience things and grow as a person. Then we can take this knowledge and put it to use while sharing it with others. I definately feel like I gained something from this trip.

Returning from AC the hardest thing I will admit was that it was very hard to go back to being Spencer. After living free and roaming around as Koronis for a week, it was hard to don my paper mask and return peacefully to society. It was hard to freely return to my cage. I wanted to tell my parents so badly after I returned what I am. Because it's going to be a part of my life as much as them, but I'm so scared of what they will think and say. If they will accept me or shun me. (Shun! Shun the Non-Believer! Shunnnn!) And if I told them it might be a door I'll never be able to close, and it'll lead to more question and concerns. So until I'm ready, I'm just going to hide behind my paper mask, and smile accepting that I can only be myself when no one else is around. So instead of telling the truth I continue to lie about my existence. I continue to lie about what I am and what I want.

That reminds me another thing I realized over this vacation is how much I need to take care of myself. I forget about myself a lot, and in that place I put others. I give of myself so freely and ask for so little in return. This vacation I took care of myself, I did things for others, but my main focus was myself and my enjoyment. If others were going to hold me back I wasn't going to have it. And I did. I enjoyed the hell out of myself. I did what I want when I want how I want where I want and all that stuff. I need to incorparate more of it into my life, I forget that I needn't bow before everyone to fit there will, I can't please everyone and even when I do I rarely please people as it is, they always want more from me and require more. So at the least I can please myself and be happy with who and what I am. I also need to stop working so hard for nothing. Gamestop is a good job, but after working today for the first time in a week, I could of gone without it for awhile. Work is just getting worse and worse, and requiring more and more of my efforts, but I get so little from it. I get satisfaction from hard work, but i get little appreciation, acknowledgement, or pay. I'll work for that, but it's not coming. Nothing is coming.

I also realized, that I as a person, want to be recognized. I want to wanted. I want someone to need me. I've come to this conclusion that tiny little feelings I got...

I know this isn't the most in depth report or anything. But it's a simple one. I try not to bore those who read. And forgive me I know it doesn't make much sense to begin with.

-Koronis