MyFursona.com

I Think It's Time We Had..."The Talk"

"Son, you're old enough now. I think it's time, that I've told you the truth about mothers, and fathers, and children, and the unbridled reality of it all.

You see, when a young man in his twenties goes out for a night of debauchery with his idiot friends, sometimes after he's had enough soco amaretto's he gets this wild idea he can score with a piece of ass. That pieces of ass has been drinking with her idiot friends and hoping her dream guy will for some ungodly reason be in this dingy club waiting for her. However she's very wrong, but she's drunk enough to briefly believe that the stumbling stud before who, who has just slurred a terrible pick-up line he and his friend wrote in the back of a van while high, horny as hell and hoping to score, just might be the man she dreamed of...or at the very least almost as good in bed as him. Again, she is wrong.

They both wake up terribly ashamed and sick the next morning. And within a week the piece of ass calls the young man and tells him "I'm pregnant you great oaf! And you're the father! I'm a clean catholic girl, and we're not having this child out of wedlock! You'll never do better than me, so shut up and give me half your stuff and when the kid's old enough I'll be your bitch everywhere outside the bedroom."

The man at this point will for some very, very, odd reason agree to this and do as she says, as he's always dreamed of having a slave.

Of course, as time passes, the man now realizes how much of a nightmarish hell it is, as he no longer as a name other than "Dad" and he never gets anymore time for himself, and he didn't realize bargaining half of his stuff for a slave, meant the slave could constantly hold that and her fun parts over his head. You see, he never really read the contract, he just saw that ass and nodded.

But you see, after that kid leaves, the father is finally free to actually get sex again. He can't find it, but he no longer has to deal with the piece of ass he agreed to raise you with. And they will both frolic freely around, getting nailed by other people who fell in this trap, and they will only ever communicate with each other whenever you or your evil demon spawn siblings come to visit for holidays.

Son, I just hope you don't make the same mistakes I did...becoming a hat salesman, getting drunk with your awesome friends you later resent cause you can't smoke goddamn pot with them (don't you dare smoke goddamn pot!), marrying some piece of ass who's admittedly the best you'll ever tap, and then having to wait nearly twenty years just to realize your life is over, hallow, and unfulfilled.

Now if you'll excuse me I have to go back to forming my tie collection into an appropriate nose to hang myself from your ceiling fan after you move into your college dorm and your mother goes back to beating me with her weight loss books that failed her, again."